


New Beginnings

by bluebell_84



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Civil War (Marvel), M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-06 00:51:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6730954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebell_84/pseuds/bluebell_84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just my own way of dealing with the ending of Civil War! CIVIL WAR SPOILERS - OBVIOUSLY. Don't read if you haven't watched the movie!</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> OK, one more final warning - CIVIL WAR SPOILERS!!!!!!

 

“No, absolutely not!” Steve said, taken aback by Bucky’s suggestion. “Why would you ever suggest it yourself?”

“Because it’s the safest option of all” Bucky said, looking wary of Steve’s sudden anger.

“No!” Steve repeated, shaking his head.

Bucky looked down for a moment where his only remaining hand rested on his thigh and took in a breath.

“They can just come in and turn me back to the soldier again, Steve. Just like that. And I’d be helpless.”

“How does it make it any more difficult for them to take you if you’re frozen in cryo?” Steve countered angrily. “How is it any better if you can’t even resist and they can just carry you out like a fucking special delivery to Hydra?”

Bucky lifted his eyes again at that, surprised to witness so much anger from Steve.

“I didn’t think you’d care…” he mumbled more to himself than Steve. But Steve heard it nevertheless.

“Of course I care! I fought my own friends to save you! Why would I do that if I didn’t care?”

Bucky shrugged his right shoulder, but it was a very unsure gesture.

“I’m sorry Steve, but me going back to cryo is, unfortunately, the only reasonable solution.”

“No!”

The way Steve said it seemed final, but Bucky’s eyes showed stubborn determination and Steve knew that look too well.

“Didn’t you hate it?” Steve asked exasperated. “Didn’t you hate being frozen all the time and taken out just to be used as a tool for Hydra?”

“Of course I hated it” Bucky said quietly. “I hated it to the marrow of my bones.”

Steve opened his mouth to say something, but Bucky stopped him with a small shake of his head.

“I remember every single one of them” he said quietly.

There was so much bitterness, so much remorse in his voice that Steve felt his eyes water so suddenly and unexpectedly. The hurt in Bucky’s voice was so raw and fresh, that it broke Steve’s heart.

“I want the programming to be taken out of my brain before I do anything else. I want it gone. I want to know that nobody will be able to come and make me kill for them. This is what has to happen before I can have any sort of resemblance to life at all.”

“Buck…” Steve wanted to protest, but knew there was nothing to say.

 

“Believe me, Steve, if it was up to me, I’d never go back to being frozen. But I’m so scared…”

Steve stepped forward, stretching his arm as if to touch Bucky in comfort, but midway his arm froze and he stood there uncertainly.

“I don’t want to hurt anybody else” Bucky whispered and lowered his head in defeat.

Steve moved without realising and stepped in between the V of Bucky’s legs. Bucky was sitting on a chair and his head came to rest just right on Steve’s chest. Steve hugged him, feeling slightly awkward when the stump of Bucky’s left hand dug into his side.

“I promise you, Buck, we’ll get all of that from your head, we’ll find a way to do it.”

He had no idea how, but he was sure at least about one thing – he will never stop searching for solution as he never stopped searching for Bucky and going to extremes defending him from all the law enforcement and Tony and anybody else in the word that stood in his way.

He won.

He had Bucky back to himself safe and sound, cleared of that latest horrible terror act accusation.

And if he thought that would be it, he must have really still be very naïve.

“Will I still have you, Steve?” Bucky mumbled in Steve’s chest. “When I wake up from cryo and whatever I am after that, will I still have you by my side?”

“Always” Steve tightened his hold on Bucky, lowering his head and burying his nose in Bucky’s freshly washed soft hair.

“Then I’m very happy” Bucky said, his voice suddenly sounding soft and gentle.

Steve didn’t know what to say to that, so he just tightened his hold on Bucky even more and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

He wanted to tell Bucky he loved him.

He wanted to ask Bucky if he loved Steve back.

Maybe Steve could have one kiss, just one.

His body ached badly for closeness, for Bucky’s tight, trembling muscles pressing close to his naked skin.

He craved all of that badly and yet, he couldn’t ask for it.

Not just yet.

Steve released his hold of Bucky and stepped back slightly. Bucky lifted his head and their eyes met.

And without saying anything Steve understood how much Bucky longed for Steve, how much he wanted the same things as Steve did.

And how much remorse there was in his eyes as there was the same understanding in them as in Steve – not yet.

“When do you want to do it?” Steve asked quietly.

“You have to go rescue your friends from a prison.”

“They’ll be safe there for another night.”

“I don’t want to prologue this. I know it’s a cowardly way, but it’s gonna be easier once I’m unconscious and all this pain is gone.”

“Pain?” Steve startled. “Is your arm in pain? Should I call..”

“No” Bucky shook his head, interrupting Steve. “I mean..” he trailed off uncertainly and placed his trembling fingers over his heart.

Steve swallowed down tears, trying not to break down in front of Bucky.

“This is the right decision, Stevie” Bucky said quietly, looking calmer than Steve thought was appropriate. “I don’t want to hurt anybody else in my life.”

Steve nodded.

“I understand” he said.

He did understand, he just didn’t want to accept it.

“But you saved me, Stevie” Bucky said and smiled. “And I’m sorry if I’m putting too much pressure on you, but I know you’ll save me again, until I’m whole and ready to get my life back.”

Steve nodded, unable to speak.

It was on the tip of his tongue – I love you, but he didn’t manage to say it. He wasn’t brave enough.

Looking at Bucky’s hopeful, bright-blue eyes he thought, maybe Bucky already knew.

“Tomorrow?” Bucky asked tentatively.

“Yeah, tomorrow…” Steve nodded.

Bucky lifted his hand and took Steve’s in his own, intertwined their fingers and held on tightly.

“Till the end of the line, pal” Bucky said and a small, unsure smile graced the corners of his lips.

Steve lifted Bucky’s hand and kissed the back of it.

“Always” he said.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was really very upset about that mid-credit scene. I think it's very unfair and really pointless to put Bucky back on ice. Seriously, WHY DO THEY NEED TO EVEN DO IT???!!!!!!???? So it was my way to vent out the frustration and try to find some explanation to that stupid unfairness! Also, I felt really sad for Bucky in Civil War, so it's kind of a way to reassure myself that Bucky WILL be fine! Even if at that mid-credit scene he kind of seemed calm and content, I just really want him to be happy....
> 
> Anyway, that's my therapy after Civil War :D I hope I'll handle the movie better when I watch it second time this week!
> 
> Oh, and comments and kudos are welcome, guys! ;)


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